


Experience

by conversations_with_dead_fandoms



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: F/M, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Romance, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 08:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conversations_with_dead_fandoms/pseuds/conversations_with_dead_fandoms
Summary: “When Yoon first suggested that maybe Hak had gone into town to see a woman, it sent Yona’s thoughts reeling. Could that actually be the reason he was acting so weird and insisting on going into town alone? Had he met someone in Awa the last time he was here with Mundeok? He’d never mentioned anything about it before.”Yona has a million things to do, so why is she thinking so much about what Hak has been up to? A four-part fic featuring episodes 17-23 of the anime from Yona’s perspective with a bit of AU at the end ;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki no Yona. This fic is just for fun, and not for profit.

When Yoon first suggested that maybe Hak had gone into town to see a woman, it sent Yona’s thoughts reeling. _Could that actually be the reason he was acting so weird and insisting on going into town alone? Had he met someone in Awa the last time he was here with Mundeok? He’d never mentioned anything about it before._  
  
Yona knew what men and women did together. She’d known ever since she’d stumbled across two servants in a closet after a celebration in the palace. After that, she’d asked one of the older ladies-in-waiting about it and received a detailed explanation that only led to more questions. The same lady-in-waiting had also assured her, with some embarrassment, that Yona’s more personal explorations of her own body in the bath and in her chambers were not unusual, either. In the months following, Yona had often found herself wondering if Hak had ever... entertained himself with any women during his travels. After all, it wasn’t unusual for other young men, especially soldiers, to engage in such things outside the palace. Not to mention, Hak was on the receiving end of female (and even sometimes male) attention almost everywhere they went; between that and the often colorful way he was prone to teasing her, it did seem possible that he might have experience of his own in that department. It used to drive her wild with curiosity, and for many months she had desperately wanted to ask him about it, never summoning the nerve.

But a lot had happened since then, and even though she still wondered, the un-poseable question eventually lost some of its intrigue over time. After all, she now had more important things to worry about. It wasn’t until Yoon’s comment that some of that curiosity came rushing back.

Even with the question of Hak’s experience floating closer to the front of her mind, she could not have anticipated seeing him here, sitting in a brothel in broad daylight. Yona was absolutely gobsmacked. His look of shock and embarrassment when he’d been found out, and the stuttering way he tried to explain it away - all washed right past Yona, and left her trying desperately to process what she was seeing, and what it meant. Through a mysterious tightness in her chest, she reasoned with herself. _This was the first time they’d been in a proper city, without the immediate threat of danger, since they’d fled the palace. Of course he would want to take some time to himself and unwind. I just didn’t know he’d want to do so_ here _, of all places. And if he_ is _here, that must mean this is something he’s done before._

Something about that left her feeling oddly bereft; she didn’t like knowing that there was a side to her best friend she’d never seen. It made her feel inexperienced, and a little foolish. Still, even if she didn’t like it, she was determined to support him as he had always supported her.

Slowly walking over to her, Hak nervously began his explanation, “Um, you’ve got the wrong idea, Princess…”

“Listen Hak,” she was determined to power through, “from now on, just tell me if you want to visit a woman of the night. I didn’t realize you were into that kind of thing.”

“I’m **not** …” His face looked drawn and an aura of mortification and irritation came off of him in waves.

Yona could understand his embarrassment. After all, spending time with a woman was one thing, but _paying_ to spend time with one was a different matter altogether. And Yoon’s chiding was not helping.

Kija’s condemnations were even worse. Yona reasoned that this attitude likely stemmed from his regal and naive upbringing, so similar to Yona’s. She had largely given up this attitude since beginning her adventure, and could perhaps better empathize with Hak’s very human temptations. Even so...

“Now hold on, I am not the pervert you two are making me out to be!”

Yona found herself petulant with betrayal. Why hadn’t he told her? Why couldn’t he just be honest about it? _And what was he getting from them that he’d risk getting caught to have?_ Yona wanted to come to his defense, but she couldn’t resist teasing him a bit in revenge. 

“Come on, guys, quit saying all these bad things about Hak! We should support him, even if his interests are immoral and degrading!”

Unsurprisingly, this only seemed to make him more irritated.

“You’re not exactly helping out with my situation here, Princess...”


	2. Chapter 2

In the days that followed, Yona’s thoughts were occupied almost entirely with meeting Jae-ha, retrieving the cheonsu plants, and joining the pirates. Her confused thoughts and feelings ended up on the backburner. She didn’t have the time or inclination to acknowledge the awkwardness she now felt around Hak, and aside from a few teasing comments and the usual childlike banter, Hak didn’t seem interested in broaching the subject either.

It wasn’t until after her brush with death that she was again confronted with her Hak-related musings, in a way that unsettled her to the core.

Sitting up on the rocky vista, trying unsuccessfully to get the thorns out of her hands, Yona’s mind wandered to Hak and the events of that day. Even though she was glad of Jae-ha’s presence and the opportunity to bond with him, it felt… strange to be saved by someone else. Usually, Hak was the one who came to her rescue. Usually, it was Hak who held her in his arms and reassured her that she was still alive, and that everything would be okay. She’d grown almost used to it. But today, Hak wasn’t there. He didn’t even embrace her when she made it back alive, though she could see the relief on his face, and it felt wrong somehow, like he was intentionally keeping his distance from her. She knew that these were the steps she needed to take in order to get stronger, and to be worthy to stand by her companions. But still, a part of her worried that if she no longer needed his protection, would Hak stay by her side? Would he grow more distant as she learned to fend for herself?

_Maybe that’s for the best. This way, Hak can go live his life the way he wants to. Surely Hak has more mature, independent interests that he has to suppress while he’s shackled to me: a naive, defenseless princess. There must be more to his life than following me around and protecting me. I can’t stand holding him back this way... But I still need him. Just a little longer._

Between the feelings of guilt at holding Hak back, and the pain of the needle digging into her skin, Yona noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

She heard familiar footsteps behind her and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. _How much more pathetic could I possibly be?_

Yona and Hak slipped easily back into their familiar banter and teasing as Hak set about cleaning and removing her splinters. But as soon as Hak poured the honey into her hands, the mood grew more serious.

“Seriously though,” Hak muttered, “your hands look like a warrior’s, not a princess’s.”

Finally, Yona felt like she had an opening to give vent to some of her thoughts.

“Do you think I seem a little tougher lately?” She started, “Am I more like you, now? Do I seem stronger?”

Hak seemed taken aback by the question, like he wasn’t expecting the conversation to go there, and he was suddenly filled with an intensity that Yona sometimes saw in his eyes, but couldn’t interpret. Sometimes it felt like he slipped off into his own thoughts, ones he didn’t want to share with her.

And just as she was about to ask him what was on his mind, the honey he was pouring into her hands began to overflow. What Hak did next was so unexpectedly intimate, so out of the blue, that it made Yona’s heart start beating erratically and her cheeks go warm. He took her hand up to his mouth, and gently began to lick at the honey there. His eyes were intent and half-lidded, and his tongue was smooth and gentle on her wrist. It made Yona feel like she was falling, and something warm started to bubble up inside of her. She couldn’t help her stuttering and half sentences as her mind flew a mile a minute.

_What is he doing?! Does he realize how this feels? How this looks? Where did he learn something so… so erotic?!_

Overwhelmed with insecurity at both her reaction and her inexperience, Yona couldn’t take it anymore and snatched her hand away.

“Stop it!”

Then, more to herself than to him she whispered, “I’m… okay.”

She fled the bluff as fast as she could, hands still covered in honey, leaving Hak and Ao behind. It would take another several minutes for her to get her heartbeat under control.

_I have to get ahold of myself … He’s teasing me, like he always has. Just because I know Hak has experience now doesn’t mean things have changed. I don’t have to read into every little thing he does. I have to stop acting so naive or it’ll only get worse, and besides, I have bigger things to think about right now._


	3. Chapter 3

Yona sat, watching Yoon work by candlelight. He was looking over his books, building a firework for their mission. Tomorrow they would infiltrate Yang Geum-ji’s operation, and bring him down once and for all. Yona felt nervous and unsettled, but she was also pulsing with unwavering determination. Even though she knew she should try, she doubted she’d be able to sleep. Hak’s earlier words kept echoing in her head.

_“...what can I do to stop you?”_

_“Do you understand the danger you’re putting yourself in? This isn’t some silly game.”_

_“I promised your father I’d protect you at all costs, but it’s like you won’t let me…”_

_“Why do you always have to be so reckless?”_

She knew he was going to try to stop her the moment she saw him standing there on the path, waiting for her. What she wasn’t expecting was for him to use his tall, muscular frame to box her in, forcing her to listen to his words. He was clearly worried about her, hating the idea that he couldn’t be there to protect her while she was on the ship. But her mind was made up.

_I have to do this. I owe it to the people, to my father, and to myself. I have to be strong enough to do what needs to be done._

In the end, she also knew he wasn’t going to stop her by force. The only thing he valued higher than Yona’s safety was her agency. He wasn’t going to use his strength and skill to do that to her, even though he easily could. It made her feel oddly warm inside, to know that although his vow to her father was strong, his sense of fairness to her was still stronger.

He had weathered so much, and knew so much more about the world. So many things that she didn’t know. But she was determined to find things out for herself, to learn about the realities of this world. Hak couldn’t shield it from her forever.

And as the flickering candlelight in the cave started to lull her to sleep, she fell into the delicate and mysterious world of subconscious thought.

 

*******

She was walking through a hallway of the palace she’d walked through many times, when she heard a sound, like a moan or a hum, and the creaking of wood. As she continued her walk, the sounds grew louder and louder. There was something off, and weirdly dark about this world, and as she passed by a door, a movement caught her eye. Quietly, she opened the door to the closet, somehow already knowing what she’d see inside: two people locked in a clandestine and passionate embrace. What she wasn’t expecting was the familiar male form that had boxed her into a cliff wall only hours before. Only he wasn’t speaking, and his bare back faced her, torso moving gently… against someone else. Even though her stomach dropped down to her toes, she couldn’t bring herself to look away. She couldn’t see the face of the woman in the closet, but could hear her high, breathy sighs and moans in the dark.

_This is embarrassing. I shouldn’t be here. What if they see me?_

But it was like Yona’s feet were nailed to the spot and she couldn’t look away. The sounds became faster and more desperate as she watched from the door.

_This isn’t right. This isn’t how it went. It wasn’t Hak, we were too young at the time._

But still she couldn’t shake the scene before her. Her face felt hot as she heard Hak’s deep voice, shaking and harsh with sighs as his movements picked up speed. She heard him exhale sharply, and then, in a voice that sounded so close and so real it was almost like a memory, she heard him moan her name.

“Y-Yona….”

*********

 

With a heart-stopping jolt, Yona opened her eyes and slammed into Yoon head-first.

“Ouch! Jeez, princess!” shouted the young genius.

“Yoon? What are you doing?” Disoriented, Yona sat up from her slumped position on the floor and slowly returned to her senses.

“After you fell asleep you looked a little feverish so I came over to feel your temperature. Are you alright? Do you feel sick?”

Blushing even more, if that was possible, Yona brought a hand to her forehead and shook off the last remaining fog of sleep from her mind. “N-no. I feel fine.” She flashed him a smile. “I guess I was more tired than I thought, huh? Big day tomorrow! Better get to bed!”

  
With that, and a concerned look from Yoon, she hurried off to find somewhere to be alone, away from the sleeping forms of Hak and the other dragons, feeling like she’d swallowed a giant rock. That was probably the only sleep she would get tonight.


	4. Final Chapter

Yona didn’t feel how she expected to feel. The last 48 hours had brought a hundred different emotions. She had won, defeating Yang Geum-ji, killing a man for the first time. And she had also seen Soo-Won. To go from feeling so strong in the wake of her victory, to so powerless in the face of her father’s killer had given her emotional whiplash, draining her completely, and before sleeping this afternoon she was barely able to keep it together. As usual, Hak had come to her rescue. Having decided to leave Awa with her companions, and feeling better after a nap, she then chose to enjoy the revelry before their departure.

In the end, she found herself wandering toward the water, rosy-cheeked from wine and tired from dancing. It was there that she saw Hak’s sitting form on the end of the dock, alone with his thoughts.  


“Why are you sitting here all alone?” Yona asked, moving to come sit next to him, feet dangling over the edge of the dock. 

“Just got tired of the crowd is all.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the gentle sound of waves against the moorings of the dock. Finally, Hak took a deep breath, let it out, and asked the first question that came to mind,

“Are you okay, princess? I know this morning was… a lot. Especially after last night.” His inscrutable blue eyes turned to her, with concern and understanding.

“So much has happened. Like I said, I’m a different person now. I’m not the naive princess I once was…”

Hak’s eyebrows wrinkled just slightly as he watched Yona.

“What?” she asked.

“Mmm… nothing. I was just thinking, you’ve always been fierce, even before. You’ve always had a fire in your eyes, in all the time I’ve known you. You are different, but… in some ways you’re still just you.”

Yona huffed in annoyance. “It’ll never been enough, will it, Hak?”

“Princess?”

“I want to get stronger. I want to be more worldly. I want it for myself, and my father, and you!” Yona hated the petulant tone in her voice. “I’m not that innocent little girl anymore!”

“Woah, woah. That’s not what I was saying. Just relax. It’s just… you make it sound like you weren’t strong before this. I’m telling you that you had it in you from the start. This experience has changed you, but you’re still brave, and stubborn, and a pain in my ass, just like you were before.” Hak softened this last remark with a sly smile.

Yona smiled back. “I’m growing up. I’m learning about the world…”

Hak simply grunted in agreement and few more seconds passed before Yona spoke up again, quieter this time.

“Hak? Why aren’t you back with the others, enjoying yourself before we have to leave again?”

Hak gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean? I think I’ve been enjoying myself plenty. I haven’t had this much to eat or drink in a long time.”

Yona could feel herself blushing to her ears. “Well… it’s just… who knows the next time we’ll be in a city like this? Don’t you want to… I don’t know… m-meet girls or something?”

Hak’s expression went from puzzled to understanding. “Ah. This is about seeing me at the whorehouse, isn’t it?” Yona refused to meet his gaze, looking down at her feet. “You know that wasn’t real, right? I was just there because Droopy Eyes dragged me there, it had nothing to do with -”

“I know.” Yona cut him off. “But… I mean, don’t you ever want to?”

Hak’s eyes widened. “Want to…? What?”

“You know…” Yona didn’t know how to finish that sentence and wondered whether she’d even be talking to Hak about this if she hadn’t had something to drink.

Hak let out a long sigh. “We’re getting into dangerous territory here, princess. Why don’t you just say what’s on your mind.”

_Say what’s on my mind?! After everything that’s happened,_ this _is what I want to talk to Hak about?! What is wrong with me?!_

Gathering her resolve, Yona closed her eyes, composed herself, and opened them again. “Have you ever… been with a woman before… that way?”

Hak’s eyes grew almost comically wide and Yona quickly scrambled to soften her question, “You don’t have to tell me, or anything. I mean, I know it’s not my business and it’s not really the kind of thing we talk about but ever since the other day it just got me wondering if you’ve ever-”

Hak cut her off with a hand to her mouth, chuckling, “Haha, okay princess, don’t run out of oxygen.” He removed his hand from her mouth and looked back out at the sea, composing his answer. Finally, he started rubbing his neck, obviously feeling awkward about the whole thing.

“I don’t know why you’re asking me this now. But… yeah. I have. Once.”

Yona felt like her heart was being squeezed. She turned to look at his face, still staring out at the dark horizon.

“It was while I was training in Fuuga. I can’t even remember her name.”

Yona let out a quiet sigh and leaned back until she was lying on the dock with her legs still dangling over the edge, looking at the stars.

Hak continued, “She said she wanted me. And I was only sixteen and an idiot. Well, you remember how I was back then. But I never did it with anyone again, after that. I realized that I’m not that kind of guy.”

Yona bit her lip, willing her eyes not to well up with tears. Deep down she knew why it bothered her so much to hear about it - but that’s not what this was about, not really.

“I always wondered, you know. But I still can't believe you never told me.” she said, her voice surer than she thought it would be. When he didn’t say anything she continued, “I guess you really do know more about the world than I do.”

He gave soft chuckle. “Is that what you think?”

Yona felt a jump in her blood and she wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or anger. “I don’t know. Maybe, I’m just sixteen and an idiot.”

At that, Hak lowered himself on one arm, facing the princess and looking down into her eyes, expression serious this time. She could see the soft blush on his cheeks and it made her feel a little bit better. Gently, he cupped her face with his hand. “Jeez, you make this really hard on me, you know? First you almost get yourself killed, then go to pieces over your lost love, and then you’re... what? Interrogating me about women? What am I supposed to do with that?”

There was a hoarseness in his voice that hadn’t been there before. Hak lay back, joining her in looking up at the stars. He closed his eyes and let out another long sigh. He gripped her hand on the dock, just like he used to when she couldn’t sleep. But somehow the gesture felt different now, more like he was comforting himself, rather than her. She didn’t think she’d ever been more aware of his presence.

_This is Hak. My best friend. My protector. What do I want from him?_

Slowly, Yona sat up and Hak released her hand, thinking she was going to leave. But she didn’t. Her stomach was doing backflips but she knew she wouldn’t be able to do this if he were looking at her. She lowered her face to his, and gently kissed his lower lip, feeling his sharp inhale where her hands rested on his chest.

The kiss was unpracticed, and after a few stunned seconds, Hak brought his hand up to the back of her head, sat up a little on one arm, and deepened it.

Yona had no idea that kissing him would feel this good. She felt torn between wanting to keep kissing him, and wanting to jump into the sea out of embarrassment. After a few more moments, Hak pulled back, looked at her, and immediately wrapped her up in a tight hug, tucking her head under his chin and holding her tight to his chest. With labored breaths and a pounding heart, Hak made a low sound in the back of his throat.

“Hak, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”

He chuckled raggedly. “I was just thinking… If you’d done that before your little suicide mission, there’s no way I would have let you go alone. No way.”

Yona allowed herself a little smile that she hoped he could feel against his neck.

“Liar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, there it is! I’m so new to fic writing and this has been an awesome experience.  
> I’m seriously considering writing a bonus chapter to this fic, very possibly containing a lemon (because the ending of this fic is pretty much begging for it). If people seem into that, I’ll put it up, but as a separate fic so this one can stay PG-13. I wanted to portray Yona as a young woman in possession of her sexuality, thinking about what many teenagers think about, with a lot of the same sexual insecurities that many teenagers have. And I wanted Hak to be realistic, too. While I wanted it to be romantic, I didn’t want it to be too fluffy because I didn’t think that that fit with the tone of these episodes, or the characters’ personalities. That being said, if anyone has requests I’d love to hear them, as well as any critiques. Thank you so much for reading it! 
> 
> XOXOXO Kat


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